N came into my room and told me my oldest brother just asked how I was doing.
I said, "I'm unemployed, feeling worthless, useless, and like a casualty of this stupid economy triggered by people I've never met but are in a position of power. I need to start working again. I'm going to get myself geared up again, update my resume, my portfolio, be creative once more, get off my ass and jump start my life again. I have far too much to offer to just sit on my ass everyday and do nothing about it."
She just stood there and said nothing. I knew how she was processing this. She already knows how disgusted I am and she's part of the reason. In all my devotion to be there for her I see my own life falling by the wayside. I'm sick of this. I said, "The longer I stay like this the more I'm screwing up my future."
I need to go to the art supply store this week. Get a new big sketchbook, pastels, charcoals, pencils, everything. I want to make a huge mess, be the artist I once was, be fiercely productive. I can't keep feeling like N. Love her, but she has become too much of a dead weight for me. I have to create momentum for myself again.
Besides, she'll benefit from it anyway, in several ways. It'll take a while but I'm determined to get my groove back. I know what I'm worth.
This alien is taking off.
I said, "I'm unemployed, feeling worthless, useless, and like a casualty of this stupid economy triggered by people I've never met but are in a position of power. I need to start working again. I'm going to get myself geared up again, update my resume, my portfolio, be creative once more, get off my ass and jump start my life again. I have far too much to offer to just sit on my ass everyday and do nothing about it."
She just stood there and said nothing. I knew how she was processing this. She already knows how disgusted I am and she's part of the reason. In all my devotion to be there for her I see my own life falling by the wayside. I'm sick of this. I said, "The longer I stay like this the more I'm screwing up my future."
I need to go to the art supply store this week. Get a new big sketchbook, pastels, charcoals, pencils, everything. I want to make a huge mess, be the artist I once was, be fiercely productive. I can't keep feeling like N. Love her, but she has become too much of a dead weight for me. I have to create momentum for myself again.
Besides, she'll benefit from it anyway, in several ways. It'll take a while but I'm determined to get my groove back. I know what I'm worth.
This alien is taking off.
Posts
2 comments:
Go alien! :)
hi b-boy. je comprends. if only we could whisk ourselves away to Paris and find odd jobs, one after the other after the other, that not only financed the bare necessities of life but also painted the world a little brighter each time.
Post a Comment