In two days it will be a brand new year. Still, part of me feels somewhat that I'm a bit stuck - again - in a kind of purgatory. I don't feel a profound sense of momentum here where I'm living and existing. I have the basic trappings of a life that's good enough - good job, amazing boss and co-workers, a very sweet place to live, and the sublime comfort of Nanay which I do not deserve.
I'm happy, yes, but in a way that's simple. And isn't that what many of us strive for? I'm fine this way because I've dumped or prevented a great deal of things that would otherwise impede such a basic happiness. You could say that how I enjoy myself these days is what so many others want for themselves, if only they knew how or even realize it. In my case it's because I want nothing else in terms of material things and situations beyond what I already have. I make little money partly by choice, just enough to cover practical expenses and put a small bit aside (not I'm good with money, I'm absolutely horrible with it!). I'm actually scared of the possibility of making a lot of money again, and it's because of the temptation to spend it stupidly and be easily swayed by this idiotic consumerist culture to buy utter shit that we ultimately don't need.
So how is it that I feel rather incomplete? One of the reasons is that, other than with Nanay, I don't have one or two meaningful relationships here. The way my good basic life is going, I haven't yet found myself with an opportunity to cultivate some new friends (which would help tear me away from this computer and the internet). I'll not go rant again about the moronic flakiness of L.A. but really, that's a significant cause. I've been through several false starts. I hate how this town is designed for cars and commuting, but never for human beings.
Hopefully things will change and I'll get the chance to grab some momentum. My docent training class resumes next week (I'm sooo behind on my papers!), and I'll soon be signing up for yoga class at this school around the block from me, and maybe I'll make new friends there. We'll see how 2008 goes.
I'm incompletely happy.
I'm happy, yes, but in a way that's simple. And isn't that what many of us strive for? I'm fine this way because I've dumped or prevented a great deal of things that would otherwise impede such a basic happiness. You could say that how I enjoy myself these days is what so many others want for themselves, if only they knew how or even realize it. In my case it's because I want nothing else in terms of material things and situations beyond what I already have. I make little money partly by choice, just enough to cover practical expenses and put a small bit aside (not I'm good with money, I'm absolutely horrible with it!). I'm actually scared of the possibility of making a lot of money again, and it's because of the temptation to spend it stupidly and be easily swayed by this idiotic consumerist culture to buy utter shit that we ultimately don't need.So how is it that I feel rather incomplete? One of the reasons is that, other than with Nanay, I don't have one or two meaningful relationships here. The way my good basic life is going, I haven't yet found myself with an opportunity to cultivate some new friends (which would help tear me away from this computer and the internet). I'll not go rant again about the moronic flakiness of L.A. but really, that's a significant cause. I've been through several false starts. I hate how this town is designed for cars and commuting, but never for human beings.
Hopefully things will change and I'll get the chance to grab some momentum. My docent training class resumes next week (I'm sooo behind on my papers!), and I'll soon be signing up for yoga class at this school around the block from me, and maybe I'll make new friends there. We'll see how 2008 goes.
I'm incompletely happy.
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