"sup"

Someone recommended an iPhone app to me called Grindr. Downloaded it last night, entered my info (platonic, intelligent friends sought, etc.), then up popped dozens of men online within a 10 mile radius who were looking at that moment.

The phone suddenly buzzed in my hand and emitted a loud "ta-DAH!" sound, nearly dropped the stupid thing. The guy trying to chat me up typed in "Sup". I stared at his pic blankly. I almost typed in "No thanks, I've eaten. Good night." Guess he didn't catch the "intelligent" requirement in my info.

I shut the app down and listened to NPR news instead.

From the app's site: "Simply download the Grindr app to view who’s around and start chatting with a local dude."

I tend to associate the word "dude" with "rube", "crude", or just plain "plebeian". I dunno. Maybe it's cultural but I never liked that word. lulz.

onward

N came into my room and told me my oldest brother just asked how I was doing.

I said, "I'm unemployed, feeling worthless, useless, and like a casualty of this stupid economy triggered by people I've never met but are in a position of power. I need to start working again. I'm going to get myself geared up again, update my resume, my portfolio, be creative once more, get off my ass and jump start my life again. I have far too much to offer to just sit on my ass everyday and do nothing about it."

She just stood there and said nothing. I knew how she was processing this. She already knows how disgusted I am and she's part of the reason. In all my devotion to be there for her I see my own life falling by the wayside. I'm sick of this. I said, "The longer I stay like this the more I'm screwing up my future."

I need to go to the art supply store this week. Get a new big sketchbook, pastels, charcoals, pencils, everything. I want to make a huge mess, be the artist I once was, be fiercely productive. I can't keep feeling like N. Love her, but she has become too much of a dead weight for me. I have to create momentum for myself again.

Besides, she'll benefit from it anyway, in several ways. It'll take a while but I'm determined to get my groove back. I know what I'm worth.

This alien is taking off.

haiti

Let It Be Me | Ray LaMontagne

There may come a time, a time in everyone's life
where nothin' seems to go your way
where nothin' seems to turn out right
there may come a time, you just can't seem to find your way
for every door you walk on to, seems like they get slammed in your face

that's when you need someone, someone that you can call
and when all your faith is gone
feels like you cant go on

let it be me
let it be me
if it's a friend that you need
let it be me
let it be me

feels like your always comin' on home
pockets full of nothin' and you got no cash
no matter where you turn you ain't got no place to stand
reach out for something and they slap your hand
now, i remember all to well
just how it feels to be all alone
you feel like you'd give anything
for just a little place you can call your own

that's when you need someone, someone that you can call
and when all your faith is gone
feels like you cant go on

let it be me
let it be me
if it's a friend you need
let it be me
let it be me.

Disorder Adds to Misery in Reeling Haiti; Red Cross Says Death Toll May Be 50,000 | The New York Times

Tears welled up in my eyes, my voice choking trying to sing along, as I typed in my information to send what little money I could to them. We were advised by the authorities to not donate food, clothing, and shoes because those en masse would only clog up the already bottlenecked system towards our unfortunate friends, in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere.

I intently avoided reading and listening to too much news lest I break down and cry, though I knew that the reported death toll could reach or top 50,000, so many of them children. Because of Haiti's low economy the infrastructure, the buildings, homes, and general construction of her towns and villages is rather frail at best. Her people were largely unprepared for something this catastrophic, the government had limited resources, and everything combined created the perfect tragedy to happen.

And it happened.

I donated to Doctors Without Borders, but there are many other organizations that need our help. Please show that you care (make sure the site of the organization you give to is legitimate and secure; many of them out there are fake and will commit ID theft with your information; watch out for scams).