assessment

So I must be honest. My life as it stands right now is what I would call "noble complacency". I'm comfortable enough. But at the same time I feel I'm not once more being useful and productive and...well, just not living in a way that is concentrically enriching, substantive.

I state 'noble' in that yes, I am there for my mother. She is why I am here, and I am here for her. And yet I feel I'm with her at the expense of sucking the life out of me. I can't really say I'm proud of anything that I've achieved for myself besides being here for Mom and besides the one year stint of volunteering as a docent at the art museum and working with school kids.

My social life....well, I still don't have one. At least, not a consistent one. I don't feel that I have a life. I don't feel I'm growing. I want to work, I want to be out and about. I want experiences, I want to grow from those experiences. And I now cannot stand living where I live because it doesn't allow me to be so mobile. I don't have a car, and I DO NOT WANT A FUCKING CAR. But this place, this part of southern California, punishes me for not having one. It's as if it's telling me, "You are not a car owner, therefore you are nothing."

What's ironic is that I feel if I lived closer to San Francisco I'll have a far better chance at living a more enriching life, even with my mom. I must be there for her because I promised to be. Near S.F. I feel I would have the chance at balancing a life of self-growth and being a good reliable son. In the L.A. area all I feel is the goodness of being a good son. And that is sucking the life from me.

personal anthem

Hit 'HQ' for high quality | Alternate source (lyrics only)

High | Lighthouse Family

When you're close to tears remember
Some day it'll all be over
One day we're gonna get so high
And though its darker than December
What's ahead is a different colour
One day we're gonna get so high

And at the end of the day
Remember the days
When we were close to the edge
And we wonder how we made it through
And at the end of the day
Remember the way
We stayed so close til the end
Well, remember it was me and you

'Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love

Don't you think it's time we started
Doing what we always wanted
One day we're gonna get so high
'Cause even the impossible is easy
When we got each other
One day were gonna get so high

And at the end of the day
Remember the days
When we were close to the edge
And we wonder how we made it through
And at the end of the day
Remember the way
We stayed so close til the end
Well, remember it was me and you

'Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love

'Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love

This is my song. It is what keeps me looking up and towards the horizon, keeps me buoyant even as I feel I'm drowning in misery and I know I must stay afloat. This song has seen me through turmoil, heartbreak, moments of inchoateness, and fatigue from the weight of life. It's who I am. Many times I tear up listening to it.

For every time I feel like I'm slipping again, there's this song. And I sing it to myself, a serenade for me to pull through.

do all japanese gamers really scare this easy?

^ I've just put Engilish subtitles on the famous BioHazard(ResidentEvil)2 clip cos I found it quite hilarious. Hope this gonna help you to understand what is going on the clip and have much more laughter. Originary filmed by a Japanese guy.

- hikariUK, YouTube

I was crying in laughter. Wish I had been there with the poor fellow watching him play. The subtitles with British inflection makes it even better, just exactly how we English speaking gamers would talk.

And notice how at even the mere suggestion of something moving in the otherwise static 2D world the guy immediately flips to the safety of the inventory screen. He must've been completely undone at the end of the game....if he even made it that far. Heh heh...