Man Accused Of Killing Daughter For Family Honor | NPR
Honor killings are old rites of murder within families, committed because of some perceived dishonor or shame. The United Nations estimates around 5,000 deaths occur each year — mostly of women, mostly in South Asia and the Middle East.
Why is this even happening in my country, in the U.S.? Why? Even though the one damning piece of evidence was burned and discarded (a bungie cord used to strangle Sandeela), there is still the far more damning - and truthful - admission of her father that he was the one who snuffed her out. All because she wanted a better life for herself by way of a divorce.
In the rest of this post I will address Chaudry Rashid by the admission he himself put forth to the police. He killed Sandeela because the tradition of the culture he originally came from demanded it to preserve family honour. Sandeela threatened to destroy that honour by seeking a divorce from her arranged marriage.
Sandeela was simply taking advantage of all her rights as an American citizen, earning a wage by working at Walmart and just generally trying to get on with her life. Seeking divorce from an arranged marriage was simply one of those American rights. She was killed for it. By her own father.
This is what infuriates me about a number of people who emigrate to other countries to seek a better life, their stupidity and failure to actively adapt, assimilate, and most importantly, respect the laws and rights they would now enjoy in their new home. Religion may have played a part in this tragedy, but as well it could be any other cultural and societal influence that in its place of origin may not be seen as devious. But here in the U.S., it is our laws, our citizens' rights, your obligation and duty to respect it as others from all different backgrounds must respect yours.
If someone from a certain country, a certain culture, is brave, determined, and expeditious enough to forge a new path to another country seeking new opportunities, he had better be prepared to also be brave, determined, and expeditious enough to shed or compromise the old ways he has been accustomed to because those ways may no longer work in his new home. That is how reality works and you do not mess with that and expect to get away with it. Do not even use your religion and customs in the argument, if they contradict the law in your newly adopted country, prepare to make a few sacrifices.
And the worst you can do is claim to not know anything about the new laws. It is your responsibilty living in your new country to learn and understand its laws, its culture, its society. It is your responsibility to get to know your neighbours and associates, learn from them, be respectful to them, be accepting or at least tolerant that their ways may differ from yours. And that includes your own family members who may be doing a better job at it than you. Do not ever use your traditions as an excuse to cling to your old ways. Ignorance and insularity are not a get-out-of-jail-free card.
I don't give an excrement how your culture, traditions, and laws were back where you came from. You are now in one of the best countries in the world, affording you the freedoms you may not have had and enjoyed before before you came to the U.S. But those freedoms come with conditions. The rules have changed. Play nice with your fellow citizens and respect them, their own individual rights. They in turn will respect yours.
And yes, I state this as an immigrant myself. My own family had to compromise certain attitudes native to the culture we came from, and even today some of my relatives still must tackle certain states of mind that may clash with the different states of mind here in American society, among them the idea that just because you are a parent does not mean you are free of mistakes or lapses of intelligence in how you treat your children.
You, Chaudry Rashid, have committed the supreme violation. You murdered a fellow American. You took her life for reasons as demanded by a law from a culture and society in another country, one you no longer live in. You have now created a new kind of shame, the shame that you must carry from now as an American. And that is on top of the fact that you no longer have a daughter.
She is gone. Forever.
Mr. Rashid, you may have preserved your family's honour back in rural Pakistan, but here in America you have destroyed the honour you enjoyed, the honour we, your fellow Americans, have collectively granted you.
In the rest of this post I will address Chaudry Rashid by the admission he himself put forth to the police. He killed Sandeela because the tradition of the culture he originally came from demanded it to preserve family honour. Sandeela threatened to destroy that honour by seeking a divorce from her arranged marriage.
Sandeela was simply taking advantage of all her rights as an American citizen, earning a wage by working at Walmart and just generally trying to get on with her life. Seeking divorce from an arranged marriage was simply one of those American rights. She was killed for it. By her own father.
This is what infuriates me about a number of people who emigrate to other countries to seek a better life, their stupidity and failure to actively adapt, assimilate, and most importantly, respect the laws and rights they would now enjoy in their new home. Religion may have played a part in this tragedy, but as well it could be any other cultural and societal influence that in its place of origin may not be seen as devious. But here in the U.S., it is our laws, our citizens' rights, your obligation and duty to respect it as others from all different backgrounds must respect yours.
If someone from a certain country, a certain culture, is brave, determined, and expeditious enough to forge a new path to another country seeking new opportunities, he had better be prepared to also be brave, determined, and expeditious enough to shed or compromise the old ways he has been accustomed to because those ways may no longer work in his new home. That is how reality works and you do not mess with that and expect to get away with it. Do not even use your religion and customs in the argument, if they contradict the law in your newly adopted country, prepare to make a few sacrifices.
And the worst you can do is claim to not know anything about the new laws. It is your responsibilty living in your new country to learn and understand its laws, its culture, its society. It is your responsibility to get to know your neighbours and associates, learn from them, be respectful to them, be accepting or at least tolerant that their ways may differ from yours. And that includes your own family members who may be doing a better job at it than you. Do not ever use your traditions as an excuse to cling to your old ways. Ignorance and insularity are not a get-out-of-jail-free card.
I don't give an excrement how your culture, traditions, and laws were back where you came from. You are now in one of the best countries in the world, affording you the freedoms you may not have had and enjoyed before before you came to the U.S. But those freedoms come with conditions. The rules have changed. Play nice with your fellow citizens and respect them, their own individual rights. They in turn will respect yours.
And yes, I state this as an immigrant myself. My own family had to compromise certain attitudes native to the culture we came from, and even today some of my relatives still must tackle certain states of mind that may clash with the different states of mind here in American society, among them the idea that just because you are a parent does not mean you are free of mistakes or lapses of intelligence in how you treat your children.
You, Chaudry Rashid, have committed the supreme violation. You murdered a fellow American. You took her life for reasons as demanded by a law from a culture and society in another country, one you no longer live in. You have now created a new kind of shame, the shame that you must carry from now as an American. And that is on top of the fact that you no longer have a daughter.
She is gone. Forever.
Mr. Rashid, you may have preserved your family's honour back in rural Pakistan, but here in America you have destroyed the honour you enjoyed, the honour we, your fellow Americans, have collectively granted you.
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5 comments:
Was this the man's religion? Or was he just f-ing crazy? This is unbelievable!
I think some religions and some cultures make people crazy. This is so sad. No one should have to die because of things like this. CLH in Chicago.
Angel, he is a Muslim. However, I don't specifically focus on that as not all Muslims subscribe to honour killings, it seems this is more related to certain communities or clans, often taking place in rural villages in countries like India and Pakistan, and most of the victims are women.
It does happen here in the U.S. and in Canada, though nowhere near as commonly as in southeast Asia.
Attragon, I'm trying not to be too engaged in this or I'll just break down and cry.
Wow, how can murder ever be associated with honor? I agree with you that this father has lost all respect and dignity by killing his responsible daughter. Cultures are not independent of reason. The value this man's culture placed upon fammily pride is obscene. No life is ever wasted in creative choices. Chosing divorce for a new start is not destructive. I wish all marriages could endure, but happiness and love will emerge from each decision given enough time for correction and growth. Death alone is final. How could this man believe that ending his daughter's life would benefit his family's honor in any way? All he stopped was her chance to begin a new phase of her life from the awful choice he made for her. We all make mistakes, but to enforce our mistakes upon others is corrupt abuse of power. Sort of like the bailouts we see currently in American society.
Peace and Good, Bill
Thanks for the comment, Bill.
It's difficult for us, those of another society, to even guess the state of mind, the psyche, of such a society where women (or any other unlucky group) are treated like this. We call it marginalization, persecution, objectification, even murder. But those societies, their beliefs, call it something else in its justification in their eyes.
The dissonance is incredibly staggering!
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