ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Pooh bear was given to me 11 years ago by 'Crazy' Bill, this SERIOUSLY beautiful man I met and saw briefly soon after I moved back from L.A. that summer. We couldn't really have a relationship because I was fucked up in the heart and couldn't handle his bipolar condition then 'cause I was emotionally bankrupt from being with that a-hole in L.A.. But I kept Pooh to remind me of Bill and soon after acquired Piglet. I actually am more like Piglet in terms of author Benjamin Hoff's book, The Tao Of Pooh and The Te Of Piglet.

Today I didn't go to Santa Monica. I slept in late again and just couldn't get up so decided to do it on Tuesday instead. Besides, the pier should have a lot less of a crowd so early in the week and I'll have more room for myself to be contemplative.

I planned regular things to do. Once a month I will be on the ocean, take my writing and art with me and spend the day there, either in Santa Monica or Venice (Long Beach is an option but I don't feel it resonates with me the way the other two do). I'll be picking up again my project to write and illustrate my "children's book" for grownups. I'll be blogging and taking pictures of small moments (thanks to the camera in my phone).

One of my co-workers is J, a splendid and pragmatic woman who gives great energy. She is married to a writer in the television industry in Hollywood. She knows a good bunch of creative and talented types and wants me to meet her friends. This is one of the little ground swells I've been feeling lately, pointing to changes in my life once again. J had seen my old portfolio from when I used to work in the fashion industry, and has been nudging me to get back into it since. Honestly my heart isn't in it right now, but it did trigger me to slowly segue back into style illustration (with the option to work freelance, possibly for magazine editorials and ads).

I told J that my problem is I'm good at doing a lot of things - design, illustration, art, writing, consulting, etc. - and it renders me indecisive at what I should concentrate on. I think I need to first fix my focus on one thing, see it to success, then use that success as a platform to launch my other little talents. I do know that I want to be a writer, I want to publish that "children's book" for grownups. That may be the one to start with and I have a gut feeling that it will be very successful and hopefully I can earn the chance to show the other things I can do.

Something is happening at work as well, though I'm under contract to stay quiet about it until it comes to pass. But it has much to do with the direction my life will be taking for the rest of the year. We'll see. In the meantime I should consider J's offer to meet her friends, I could certainly use a bit of a social life in this dumb ass flaky town.