thankfulness

I'm hesitant about making the short trek to my brother's house for turkey dinner and whatnots. I'm perfectly happy to be home alone (Nanay is at their house right now), I don't like my sister-in-law (after she insulted my dad at his own wake, among other things), and I'm fine to skip all the food.

Still, I must be grateful for how my life has been here in the L.A. area since I moved here early last year. Much has transpired and some things have stayed the same. I worked at a reasonably good museum, where I always want to be professionally, for about a year, and that was gainful for me. I currently work for a satellite branch of another museum - well, not just any other museum, but arguably the best in the world in terms of quality, service, and reputation. I adore my colleagues there, they're good people (which is a rarity most anywhere in today's world).

My life has hushed down to a kind of simplicity, working, going home, gaming, and few other things. I'm far closer to Nanay than I have ever been, I have a clear vantage point into her incredible beauty and selflessness and saintliness. I keep telling myself I don't deserve here, and then I remember she's my mother.

My docent class is getting on reasonably well, though I'm quite behind in the work (it's surprisingly demanding, and several other students had already dropped out). But the lectures are amazing, quite rich really. Once I kick back in and catch up and sharpen up I know I'll make a fine docent with the school kids and that will deepen my resume and hopefully I can do this professionally.

And yet I still have no regular friends here. No one to meet every week or two and talk over coffee, go to the cinema with, museum hop, have cocktails with. I'm thinking where I am may hinder that but when I lived in Hollywood over ten years ago it wasn't much different. It's me, to a point. It may just be that I have exacting requirements. But then as we get older we all become a little more exacting, don't we? We tolerate less, and our experiences become a kind of filter for what we allow or disallow in our lives. Which is important because we have less time here, so we need to choose the best for us, maximize our stay in terms of quality, not quantity.

That is certainly something to be thankful for. A sense of knowing and editing of one's self.

I'm not going to my brother's house. I know that if I do, I wouldn't enjoy myself and I'd be there only out of obligation. I'd much rather be honest. I want them to have me because I want to be there, not because it's expected of me.

Happy Thanksgiving.