the pooh of alien

I describe my personal philosophy as an intricate cocktail of various ideas, spiritualities, and states of mind. I grew up Catholic but my family was never truly devout, and I lost interest in the mechanics and cosmetic rituals of this religion (for years I was scared to death of saying 'goddamn' until one day when I was willing to risk my life using the Lord's name in vain just to see if I'd get struck by lightning; I've been saying 'goddamn' every chance I get with relish ever since).

I eventually slowly discovered the 'essence' of Christian spirituality - that is, that god is the pure 'manifestation' of all things good: love, hope, charity, beauty, happiness. I decided that all those mechanics and cosmetic rituals I hated when I was a kid were instituted by people of authority suffering from stupidity, ignorance, selfishness, and a lust for power over others. After that I became a little more spiritual, and emphatically no longer religious. Religion to me means following some dogma officialized centuries ago because some theologian who was paranoid and looked for any excuse to rationalize his fears, or a group of greedy men who wanted power and material possessions through crowd control (the Vatican has a shitload to answer for).

Interestingly enough I learned that many other spiritual beliefs - Hinduism, Buddhism, Muslim beliefs, Hari Krishna, Taoism, and others - shared many fundamentals, particularly love and compassion, two things I've always been automatically drawn to. I've been going around thinking that 'Good' is 'God' with an extra Oh!

My main philosophical beliefs are in Taoism and the Socratic inquiry. Taoism rejects anything unnatural - that is, anything that disrespects the workings of the natural world, its balance and harmony. A Taoist state of mind finds profound stillness and grace at the center of all things and lets the mind and body flow from there freely and of its own accord, in harmony with it. Any man who stops this flow, interrupts it, forces it elsewhere, will create nothing but imbalance and sickness, diseases, paranoia, wars, and other afflictions. According to author Benjamin Hoff, the modern incarnation of the Tao is Winnie the Pooh (though I'm more like Piglet, the little Tao that could).

What I love about Socrates' m.o. is that this way of life, this way of existing, may be agonizingly openended and even cryptic at times, but it makes up for it by being infinitely full of possibilities - to discover new things, and for betterment of the world and one's self. Life is one huge question mark, why not jump into it knowing you'll be richer and fuller coming out before jumping back in again?

It has never been my style to try and paint myself as better than anyone. I only know what I know at this moment and when I learn something new it still doesn't mean I should think myself better than anyone. What good would that do for me? It does, however, mean that I have something new to share with someone, and that makes me feel that I am better - that is, better than I was before this gift which I can share.

When I nearly died of a stomach infection years ago, it was during the time of the worst years of my life, and I had no one around who could truly help me. I did a hell of a lot thinking then, about my life. Was it worth living anymore? What kind of value did it have? What can and should happen to salvage it? If I committed suicide would that have solved it all? Or was it simply a coward's way out, considering all the other options available within reach?

Instead of reaching out for help, I reached in. Deep in. That's how I avoided killing myself. You can only sink so low in quicksand, and once you touch the bottom the only way out is climb up. It doesn't necessarily mean all your problems are gone, but it does mean that you know you have power to do something about yourself, and you grab it.

What can I do to make things better for myself and for others? To simply be that much more of myself to myself and to others. To simply be good.