Thursday, 5.19am, 3 Jan. 05

Strange dream I had. I was in some situation where I was in a crowd of people, and there was a woman, African American, in a state of distress. I was watching her, tears streaming down her face, and she yelled out, "Oh, the pain!!" I woke up then.

I couldn't go back to sleep. I lay in the dark, curled up like a baby, my eyes open. I let my thoughts drift here and there, I fantasized, and soon my mind settled, as always before, on Richard. My arm draped over his large chest, moving up and down on it as it expands and contracts with his breathing in his slumber. My hand traveling a bit further to caress his muscled arm. How grounding that feels, like nothing can touch me, and I'm elemental. I'm still thinking about it.

I can't sleep anymore. I drank some water from a thermos I keep next the bed and switched the light on. My throat is always so dry every time I wake up. For some reason, I don't know, I rummaged through my boblbee and sorted out whatever was in there - checkbook, planner, a Rand McNally map of Chicago all folded up and laminated in plastic, receipts, letters, headphones for my mp3 player. I don't even feel like lying in bed anymore.

Then I remembered the nearly finished book I'd been reading, Socrates Cafe by Christopher Phillips. I got that (it was in the boblbee) and read it in bed while eating a banana I found on the desk (I had brought it up to eat last night but forgot about it).