learning to respect and value

Riz is banished to his room, crying. He got a major yelling from his dad because he had put a permanent marker on the huge remote control Hummer he got for Christmas. Thankfully he got caught before even more damage was done; the rear license plate is completely blacked over and the 'H' on the 'Hummer' logo on the windshield was partially inked. Poor kid, but no sympathies from me at this time, he needed to learn his lesson. His dad had worked hours out in the cold winter to afford to get him this gift, that toy is not at all cheap. Hopefully Riz will know better next time than to trash his gifts, he's an American kid, spoiled rotten and treated like a prince compared to kids in third world countries.

It's clear out today, but frigid, with a thin layer of snow on the ground. I feel guilty, my brother-in-law keeps wanting me to go with them to the cinema, but I'm not interested in the kinds of movies they want to see. I won't enjoy them and thus feel he'll be wasting his money on me. I do like going out with the kids, though, just not to the cinema.

Part of it has to do with my not wanting to be high maintenance to my sister and brother-in-law because they're taking care of me. I love watching the kids, I'm good for them, and they give me a sense of self worth. Teresa and Ef were bickering at the breakfast table this morning about it. She was getting him back over the fact that his younger sister, who came from Istanbul to live with them a few years ago, was to be paid a few hundred dollars a month to be a live-in nanny. She had her requirements, but she turned out to be difficult, a classic case of someone coming from outside of the U.S. and being exposed to the culture and material trappings and wanting to keep up with them while she herself couldn't and didn't work, all while complaining here and there. My sister finally had enough of this and asked her to go back to Istanbul. With me, I don't want anything. I'm here until I feel strong enough to try to get back on my own feet. Meanwhile I'm more than happy to be with the kids, play with them, do some maintenance around the house. I love cooking for them, trying out new recipes. For me it's about feeling needed and familial. It's therapy, I haven't felt this grounded in years.